Struggle is Real

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse

Believe, the one necessary thing to have, when you want to achieve something. There's nothing in this life, that you can get through especially challange. Without believe in ourself, that we can through the worst, to get the best one. Once you start something, never leave it, take a good responsible to make the greatest end of it. A good responsbility, it will prove that yourself as a good man, deal with every consequence from the decision that you ever made. It's never so easy to realize, but you must keep believe, anything can happen, nothing can stop you when you think that you will able to make it true. There's too many lesson from struggle, how you get up when you get lost, how you make yourself more strong, wiser than before. It's a great way of life. One live, one chance, everyone knows about that. Conquer your fears, fight your doubts, go away from all the negative though in your head, listen to year instict. Follow your heart, make it worth.

You never know how hard you try, you must hold on as long as possible, if it has not end well, that's not the end, that's the sign that you mush push more harder, harder than you though you can do. Break your limit, lose yourself into a great struggle, it's a part of process. Now it's time to chase your dream. Even sometimes you fail at anything you try, just keep positive, let it go and learn an awesome lesson from that, you'll must be more aware and also wiser, about the step that you want to take. Keep believe, that's the most deadliest weapon that you can carry everywhere, and anytime. Full of passion is a fuel for your struggle. I've been struggle with this life, a lot of time i got lost, rise again, through the bad and the good times. Tonight i feel so great, honestly this is the biggest achievement for the first time ever for my long way challange. I struggled a lot, i tried more than once, and always failed. I try again, with more improvements, different steps, same path, a long way destination.

I'm tired once, i used to mad at myself when i'm lost. I always said this word into myself " I'm better than that, i know i'm better than that, and i can learn something from this defeat ". That's why i always push more harder, and then harder than before. Never quit, we must have a persistent determination, discipline, and consistency. Never compare yourself to the others, every people have their own way to achieve success and this is my way, i know my limit, but i like to set a new record pass my own limit. Don't lost hope before we get what we ned. You never know what will happen next, prepare yourself, for a great risk that you never expect before. You won't forget the past regret, because it's always leave some unspoken message to know. Do what you wanna do, never let darkness surround you, a lack of hope just make your hope fade slowly drive away from your soul. You never know the taste of success, before you feel the taste of failure.

I'm gonna make the rest of my life the best of my life. I'm working on myself, for myself, by myself.

Three Years And Counting

This is more than story, more than a post, and also more than a short movie project that i will release this year.

Based on true story, how i have struggled with my own life for the last three years until this moment. I'm proud still stand even there's still a scars, and wound without the cure. This project has a lot of meaning for me. Especially about how to survive in unexpected circumstances. Purpose of this project is to re-imagining about who i am three years ago before this worst condition. Overall, this is the story about my life for the last three bloody years...

There are so many unpredictable story in my life. Especially when i moved into this city three years ago. I felt empty, i lost my best friend, i'm so far away with my brother and i lost myself in the middle of nowhere. At first i tried my best to find the best of the best of anything by myselef without help from others like i had before. It seem's impossible for me to share what i feel to my close friends. I can't make a good decision, and i never know if i make a mistake so i just go with the flow. It's very hard to believe, when you lost everything just in one moment, and you can't believe that because it is very important for your life. I never enjoyed everything too much, like the old time before i came into this cruel city. I used to be fun for, and no one ever know how deep i'm feeling lonely when i moved into this nightmare city. I'm not belong here, i'm not okay without my crazy best friends, it's unbelieveable. I face every single thing on my own, When i made a huge mistake, i didn't notice it's gonna ruined my life. No one watch my back. I fell in love with someone that i never did before in this city. For the first time i ruined my life because of love. Love is a journey that i never feel before. I can't help myself. There's too many lesson from that, but that's not the end of it. It's just the beggining to make my life more damn worst than before. Love made my life so complicated, i couldn't sleep well, almost six or seventh months. I made everything became so hard on myself. It's not funny anymore, when you cannot find happiness again in your life because you can easily predict what will happen next.  I tried to rise, but i'm failed. I'm falling into the deepest hole of failure, and crawling into the end of it but it's seem's i never made it. I keep believe, into something that i thing it's impossible to be true in my life.

Faith, hope, passion, it's all gone in no time. I live my life like along an empty world. I used a mask of happines, laugh, and pretend there's nothing happen. At first this happines mask is very useful, but as the days goes by, it cracked and falling into pieces. I'm so far away from my biggest dream, because of fucking love. This is the first biggest challange in my life. I never felt pain in my life before, i think this gonna be the first and the last, but the other came so fast and unpredictable. I try to regain my passion, rebuild everything, but i made a same mistake twice. I never know, because there's no one by my side, especially brother and close friends. No one like them can give me an advice, i don't know why i completely always believe in myself after i figure out everything alone. My new friend in this city gave me advice, i respect that, but still i believe in myself, and i did'nt really care what others think. I took some big risk, i'm failed again, but it's not because of me, there's some important reason that i cannot tell you. After that, i'm very dissapointed, but i don't know why, i still try to find the right person who can stand by my side. Every single day was a nightmare. When you try everything you could, but it never leads to something. It's hurt you know, when you have noticed that you're fought for nothing. I'm lost, everything dissapear from my life. i'm suffered enough, but it's never enough, more comes and stabbed me from behind. Rise from the failure, struggle, fight againts my own thought. I try not to give up too early, i never realize that my life became so damn hard after moved into this city.

It's hard for me now, to explain about what was happen in my life. This story bring back some bad memory from the broken past, leave a thousand unaswered question and neglected opportunity. But in purpose for this project, i just wanna remind myself, that i fought so hard with this cruel life for the last three years. I'm proud, i'm still keep positive even there's still a bitter taste from this unexpected scenes. I'll tell everything about what's going on, and maybe it will inspire all of us how not to give up and refuse to fail. I never want to make this honestly. I just want to make achievement for myself. about how i've been survive, and i never know about tommorow, it is possible, to make a great struggle again than before or i just learn from my great experience and make everything looks like very easy. So far i wouldn't enjoy everything, but i learn some important thing for my life. Keep looking forward and be more brave to take a big risk and deal with the consequence. I lost in so many different situation. But after that, i'll be more wiser than before to make a big revolution of my entire life. I don't wanna make a same mistake twice, i never want to ruin myself again because of love especially, there are so many think to realize with struggle, but fuck yeah, it's not love! It will never happen again, not anymore !

Three years and counting, from my six life chapter it means i try to bring back the great memory, passion, from 2011, when i don't think too much about what's going on in my life, i just enjoy everything without depending my happines from love. I really feel comfortable doing all my hobby, be different, and stay up all night with some friends, but now everthing has changed. I'm so bless, god still give me chance, to make up my life, and be the best of the best than the others! Leave everything behind with no regret!

Be what you want to be, do what you like with passion. Never let nightmare surround your day. Stay optimistic. Hustle hard !

The Nightfalls

There's nothing to make me proud, holding a thousand question without answer, and bury deep in the night sky.

Light is gone after the sunset, what i'm doing is wandering. About everything that i've reached, and about another life goal i want to achieve. Every single night, i always do the same. It's more easy for me to take a precious moment in the night, breath the fresh air, keep calm and think about what i'm going to do next. Life is always unpredictable, as far as i go in my life path, i never try to avoid that sometimes plan it's not gonna work. When i'm down with life cirmustances,i just try to clear my perspective, and keep moving forward. There are too many chance that i've lost and never see that again. I've made some mistake, in this cruel life, but i always believe that life is a beautiful struggle.

At night i can make everything clear even for a couple hours, flash back some good and bad memories, try to take some lesson from it. There's no regret if i can understand the lesson from my life journet. When i wake up in the morning, i had my usual activities, and then after all of the challange in a day, i came back to my house, and before slept, i did the same thing, re-arranged my plan for the next day. Sometimes i felt really bored because mostly i already knew what's gonna happened for my day. I want a big revolution, but somehow, i'm confused how i could realize that. There's too many mystery in my life, i did everything i could to get through it, and it's almost made me forgot about what i'm going to realized. I've been in this city for the last three years. There's too many bad things happened in my life. I didn't really expected about that, it's my decision to take the risk, but i never realized the consequence is more worst than everything.

My biggest revolution happened five months ago. When someone came into my life. She have changed everything about my life. I didn't see it's coming. I never regret to take this life with you. I just felt really guilty when i'm the reason when you sad, but overall it's just a relationship story. I don't know how to describe it very clearly, i'm just proud after what she have done for me. I was very surprised, it never happened before in my life. I'm very happy, but the sadness moment is when we have argued the different main ideas, and i almost lost her. I think about that, when i'm really dissapointed why i didn't want to gave in and let her opinion became the conclusion. I have learned a lot from my life experienced, but in some case it's not really help me to figure out the solution.

When the night falls, i couldn't barely breath, it's seem's i'm gonna lost everything. She had a really good reason why i choose to win, and never give up deal with all of the challange in this life. She always became my motivation, and i don't want to let her down again because of me. So far until this day, we're still together. If i were a sniper, and then she is my spotter. The relationship between a sniper and his spotter is very important. First and foremost, the two depend on each other for survival. Sniper teams work in the no-man's-land between or behind battle lines. They often have little or no support from their unit, and if they don't accomplish their mission, the safety of the whole platoon may be compromised.

Being the spotter in a sniper team is a sort of sniper apprenticeship. The sniper is the team leader. He coordinates with command to put together the mission. In the field, he has the final word in determining the route, position, rendezvous point and escape route. A spotter learns in the field from his sniper and then eventually gets his own team to lead. You can imagine that, she is more than important for me. Not only just make me happy and feel confident to face everything, she also to guide my life and aware me if there's somethings wrong.

If one of us fail to do our duty, and then our relationship is over. We've already work together and we know each other so well especially the characteristic, emotion, love, and everything else. I just need more time, to be more wiser than before, i'm her leader, it's depend on me where i'm gonna lead her, to the ruin or the glourious day for us, it's our wedding day, and we're still waiting to realize that when the time has comes. The most important thing to do is keep believe each other, that's the foundation how strong you will not give up when the problem try to seperate us. I try to beat my myself first. Sometimes, the hardest thing to change is my mind. I want to be responsible for the decisions in my life at all cost. I will bring her to the next level, and start a greatest beggining again.

Every night, i fall asleep with you in my heart, i promise to be the warrior who fight all your nightmare and the messenger to bring all your sweet dream.