When i was suffer, i just
remembered what i though at that moment, i said “i believe, i don’t know how,
but i will find happines with love again”. After a disaster tragedy for the
last 3 years especially when i trapped in a beautiful nightmare, i cannot
believe what i got and what’s left for me. I lost my spirit, i lost some great
chance, and for sure i miss a big evolution in my life. It’s hurting me
actually when i remember that moment, i guess i never sucess again in the
future, because i lost every important thing in my life. So far i’m just so
bless, after spent one year in loneliness and every single day i try to believe
that my dream with her is impossible to realize. It’s seem i want to be a lone
wolf, until the day i get married someday. Every night i tried to heal my
wound, find a pain killer in the darkness night, but i’m dying inside, i used a
fake smile everyday. It’s really hard for me to face the reality and this is
it! What’s done it’s done, just leave it and never regret it. Keep moving
forward into the next chapter of my life adventure.
I follow my heart, and pretend that i don’t need someone again to re-colour
my day with happiness of love. It’s become more easier for me to get a further
result. I knew when someone falling in love with me, But i completely don’t
care about her feeling. I’m still waiting for the right moment and make a good
decision when the days come. It’s like sniper, holding....waiting....and never
get bored to find a good time to end all of this sickness moment. I just wanna
say it’s really hard, but this is life. Life can be so cruel sometimes, when
someone without love try to holding on and be a good survival in this
unpredictable life. I cannot sleep well, i can’t get a good health, i really
confuse because i take this feeling too hard, and i don’t expect when
everything goes wrong because of love. Stuck in reverse and try to get back
again into the past moment. I fight my own self, i don’t wanna to be selfish
anymore. I don’t believe every girl, when they said “hey rhesa, i like you, and
i want you in my life”. I though that’s a bullshit, i don’t trust them
obviously. If i never try, i will never know. Someday, unexpected moment
happen...
I don’t know how to describe it, but so far i’m really happy
having someone again in my life. Yes i know, in the first time i don’t believe
her, and i pretend that she don’t like me. I try to analyze her character, her
habit and also her life silently. I’m really satisfied when overall she have a
good life. I try to give her a chance, but with very very slow progress. I just wanna see, if she surrender and give
up with the progress that i give, i think she just like my outlook and style,
not my character. She still holding on and she become my lovely girl now. I’m very surprised, her ambition make me feel
very impressive with this progress. When i gave her a chance to rebuild my
life, haha i never knew that she made it now. So far even it’s just one week
we’ve been together, but i really believe that she will be my partner in this
mysterious life. I do really love her so much even it’s too short for us being
together, i don’t know why, i just believe in her to make up my life to be
better than before. I’m really proud of her, and especially her ambition when
she tried to give me signal that she love me, i just wanna with her every
single second. I never bored, because i already learn too much from my mistake
in the past, and biggest failure.
From now on, i believe in her and hopefully she’ll be my last one.
Because for me being a part of a relationship is like a full time job. We must
serious and never play with it. Heart is like a fragile, you must keep it save
how hard the situation is, or you will have a serious problem. Build a commitment, trust each other, stick
together when suffer, and everythings gonna be okay at last
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while
loving someone deeply gives you courage
