Eternal Light

Blindly walking in the mist to pretend how I have fucked up a good things by thinking I know anything. Lost and alone shed the tears of regret. Pain and guilt are my best friends. I beg for mercy of my mistake. God have forsaken the clueless soul.

I can't be everything, I wish that I could be. Where is the light of hope? There is no more faith to hold. Love is a misery. This is fucking killing me but I can't let go. I won't replay the moment of devastation all over again, but my heart keep revive the memories. Drowning into the emptiness. Please drag me to the shore...

Second Sun

Brand new life is waiting ahead me. I'm so excited to begin all over again. Fresh start, fresh challange, and the most important thing is a brand new way of live. Everything will be different start from this second. I had a lot of disaster years so far and for sure i'm not proud of it. Shit happen, but i did everything to keep my head high and face it like a real warrior. I'm so grateful for what i have now. Living along a great family, and good friends who always been there during my hard time.

First thing first, i have to drag myself back into my passion who already lost because of social bullshit and then i did nothing to prevent it. Playing and making music is the most great thing i ever know. I just want to try my best to learn about music stuff and industry in my country for now. The second one is motorcycle racing. It's pretty great emotion when you riding motorcycle and overtake other riders when entering the corner. Late braking as late as possible to make a good manuver. Damn...i really miss doing that again. Seem's like i'm stuck in a cage for a while. Everything holds me back off from my grid. I was worried too much for some point in life. Overthinking killed my happiness and made be believe that i was so fucking weak to take an opportunity to moving forward.

I had a long journey vacation with my silent guardian couple months ago. I discovered a great scenery, new adventure, then new experience. I wish i could stay longer but time wasn't friendly with me back in the day. Adventure is the one things that keep me alive beside music and motorcycle. It helps me regain myself confidence. I just realized now i'm going to far from my dream, the ambition to conquer the world, just kidding. I need to get back to my life track and take my goal more seriously. I'm really afraid of being lazy and do nothing. Wondering good things will happen to me and that scenario will only be exist in my head. I'm still 23 years old need to learn more about how this cruel world goes. Whatever happen, i make a commitment to myself. I don't want to lost myself again in life's problem and cause overthinking then absolutely it just wasting my time. I did that before.

Everyday is a great day to learn, embrace the suck and make a memories that last a life time. Keep doing crazy and stupid things, taking the risk and always keep moving forward. I was desperate enough not to believe in my dream, that was a great nightmare for me. But now, i'm stand in the top of the world proving that problems can't make me down. Everything that was happened to me was great. Every life's mistake, failure, dissapoitment, and disaster moment make me a better and stronger person right now. I'm not wise enough because i still have a long way to go. Hopefully i won't mess this up over and over again. I have to be more focus to become the person i want to be and it's a must.

Darkness Ocean

What should you do to keep your self  in line after a disaster year? yeah, just keep going even much slower than before. Never lost faith... sometimes it is just a word, based on the reality that i feel this moment everything is like impossible to get through. There's always a sun after the strom, light after dark, but when the fuck exactly? no one knows right? what i have to do is get motivated and motivated others. Man can only be beaten in two ways, give up, or dies. I'm really glad there's still thousand chance to rebuild my life. For this moment i feel really gone far away from my passion, but it's absolutely okay. I had a good reason for that. There's a responsbility in my shoulder that i need to carry on. One day, i feel like walking in the wrong direction. The circumstances for this damn journey have too many challanging problem to face. I get lost in my own mind, when i tried to figure the easiest way of everything and start all over again. Today is not the time to wake up and rise again. Keep optimistic even there's just a little chance to survive. Tired as fuck, for everything in this world, but i don't know why, i'm still hang on for the things that i never believed. I have too many lessons to learn, i don't know if i get stronger or weaker than yesterday. Let's see if everythings going well, I just imagine and believe good things happen to good people. I will do anything, again if i don't like it to regain my self-esteem and try to work hard and realize my dream and it's a long fucking way to go. Drowning in the ocean of failure, and more deeper every second. Running out of breath and died inside,

Dying Soul

I'm going down in this critical cirumstances. The reality change me to be a surveillance and watch every movement from the corner of the world. See the life goes on from the inside of dark tunnel. The golden time is gone, some left unspoken, and there's still untold story. I can't do anything to control it, i only capable doing everything all alone. I seek a great life atmosphere at this time. three years later after through a great life challange, it changes nothing at all. Day  by day i try to hang on and doing things right and pretend this life is really great. Everywhere i go there's a same feeling deep inside myself. Solitary day make everything more harder than before. It's not fair, when happiness is temporary, and pain last forever.

Morning Star

I believe in my dream. Dream is the one thing to keep me alive, and i always dare to face every obstacle in this cruel live even though sometimes i'm not ready yet. I do everything to own the skies, like a flying bird in the ocean, i'm free to discover the world, and there is no limit to live everyday with passion and try something new. In one moment, live is always have a dark way, unfortunately i have choosed the wrong path, and every step that i take, it make me feel so far away from my dream.

I have got stabbed by the wrong decision, suffered over the regret, and this world surround myself under the darkness. This moment made me blind, it seems i feel so guilty about my own life, it wasn't supposed to be happen like this.  i lost everything there's no more hope to reach my dream. I feel so grateful, when this suffering tragedy stops because i found a treasure one year ago.

Sometimes the bad things that happens in our live put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

Last year in November, at the corner of the world at night, I found her from my social media, i don’t know why i feel so curious about her at that time. I try to figure out who exactly this person. When i see her for the first time, i can’t believe my own eyes. She is shining like a gold, her smile is great, her eyes steal my attention. For the first time i become speechless and feel the greatest unbelieveable feeling in my life. This treasure become part of my dream after that. I try everything to chase my dream, and there's a lot of hope to catch it and make it real. She is my treasure, i found her when there's no more hope, and i though i've gone too far, very far from my own dream.

I'm so fortunate god send me a guardian angel to guide me into the better life, help me out from the darkness, and especially bring my spirit back to conquer the fear. We've been together for a while, but problem happen between us in no time. We argued, we let emotion drag ourself very deep in a relationship conflict.  I never want it happens, but now i'm very thankful because of it we learn too many live lessons. We've been through hell so many times. As a matter of fact, we are strong together and it’s like two person in one soul.

The best decision i ever made is choosing you as my life partner and i never regret it. You help me grow, cover my weakness and burn my spirit every day. No one can do like the way you did to me. I’m back where i belong, after a long darkness way i’ve been through and i’m still survive because of you. Everything has an end, i just want to be with you until there’s no more breath in my lungs. Sometimes i regret the chance that i never take. But that’s life, experience never stops. God send me the right person to keep looking forward. This romance story is really awesome, there’s too many tragedy at first, and now we surround ourself in the perfect happiness.

Good or bad just smile, I have a lot to be thankful for, especially your existence in my life. 

Why Does Hello Fell Like Goodbye ?

When the end of the story become the hardest beggining to get through…

It's not the final worst, the last pain, and the only happines i ever had. Journey of life is a mystery, but everything happen for a reasons. I had a great story, it was a great adventure, there's too much struggle. Somehow i try to believe there still a chance against this challenge.  I know there's still a lot of progress to realize, chance to take, and homework to complete. But overall, every single step that i've ever made almost leads to nothing. I'm dissapointed after all of this, and i feel so curious about the end of this story because i achieve nothing. The end is still unpredictable i thought, but for other reasons, it might be the end of everything. We all know that consequence always exist after we make a tactical decisions. But unfortunately, not everyone in this world always ready for the unexpected risk. Sometimes the hardest thing to change, is your own mind.

Once upon a day, I took a life trip, it’s different than the others. I’d try to focus working on it. I believed i’m good for this one, compare to others adventure, this is the best of the best. Suddenly, everything changed after that. I wasn’t really good at this situation at all, but i try to enjoy even under unexpected circumstances. I’m not perfect, i made a mistake, but i always try to rebuild everything again especially hope and keep believed. This adventure is the best one, yes, but i’ve struggled too much. Challanged never stop slowing my step, problem every problem almost became the conclusion of this adventure.  I didn’t know really how to say and this is the most greatest story of my life so far that i ever had within the persistent determination. It was too fast, really, i achieved nothing. I never felt the clock is counting down and this is my biggest failure in the best way. Eventhough i already tried everything to hang on too tight on this, but it’s really hard to believe, i lost everything for nothing.

I had a great vision in this chapter, i set some goals, and i never changed my direction. I know what’s the most important things in my life. That’s why when i lost everything, i still have my last weapon to come back again like the day before i lost in this part of life. Why does hello feel like goodbye? This word stuck in my head, because i never expected the end of this was very damn worst. It’s really hard for me to stand still, be strong without motivation, be brave without doubt. It’s just so damn….complicated !

The longest adventure left some memory to remember, a huge pain to heal, and a great experience to take… 

i try to forget the bitter taste after all of this and again i try to keep moving forward. Create a big different after that hard struggle, and continue set some goal in other life story. I never stop trying, because i know struggle is part of life, dead is the only reason i quit from my hard work on everything.

This is my last adventure like this. This is not the first one, but comparing with the other adventure before, i guess i’m not good at all even i always believe anything can happen. I will take this kind of adventure again someday, but with less hard work, i think my experience will guide me without let pushing too hard again and again. I’m feeling so ambition without control at my last adventure, but stay positive is my foundation.  Now I believe which this part of life, there’s too many lesson from it. There’s another great achievement will leads to my dream, now i’m working on it.

Suffer after a biggest failure? Yes i felt that before. But with a great experience that i had, It help me to reduce the pain and motivated me to try another way to rebuild everything from the beginning again.

Time heal the wound, after a great defeat, but it takes time and depends on me how i face this challange of life. As always, try to rise again no matter what it takes, i'm gonna die trying, to get what i want to. i never tired, i always believe, i always will !

Struggle is Real

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse

Believe, the one necessary thing to have, when you want to achieve something. There's nothing in this life, that you can get through especially challange. Without believe in ourself, that we can through the worst, to get the best one. Once you start something, never leave it, take a good responsible to make the greatest end of it. A good responsbility, it will prove that yourself as a good man, deal with every consequence from the decision that you ever made. It's never so easy to realize, but you must keep believe, anything can happen, nothing can stop you when you think that you will able to make it true. There's too many lesson from struggle, how you get up when you get lost, how you make yourself more strong, wiser than before. It's a great way of life. One live, one chance, everyone knows about that. Conquer your fears, fight your doubts, go away from all the negative though in your head, listen to year instict. Follow your heart, make it worth.

You never know how hard you try, you must hold on as long as possible, if it has not end well, that's not the end, that's the sign that you mush push more harder, harder than you though you can do. Break your limit, lose yourself into a great struggle, it's a part of process. Now it's time to chase your dream. Even sometimes you fail at anything you try, just keep positive, let it go and learn an awesome lesson from that, you'll must be more aware and also wiser, about the step that you want to take. Keep believe, that's the most deadliest weapon that you can carry everywhere, and anytime. Full of passion is a fuel for your struggle. I've been struggle with this life, a lot of time i got lost, rise again, through the bad and the good times. Tonight i feel so great, honestly this is the biggest achievement for the first time ever for my long way challange. I struggled a lot, i tried more than once, and always failed. I try again, with more improvements, different steps, same path, a long way destination.

I'm tired once, i used to mad at myself when i'm lost. I always said this word into myself " I'm better than that, i know i'm better than that, and i can learn something from this defeat ". That's why i always push more harder, and then harder than before. Never quit, we must have a persistent determination, discipline, and consistency. Never compare yourself to the others, every people have their own way to achieve success and this is my way, i know my limit, but i like to set a new record pass my own limit. Don't lost hope before we get what we ned. You never know what will happen next, prepare yourself, for a great risk that you never expect before. You won't forget the past regret, because it's always leave some unspoken message to know. Do what you wanna do, never let darkness surround you, a lack of hope just make your hope fade slowly drive away from your soul. You never know the taste of success, before you feel the taste of failure.

I'm gonna make the rest of my life the best of my life. I'm working on myself, for myself, by myself.